Doctors

In my 33, almost 34 years of life I have been to many doctors. My number of doctors seen is probably even larger than most because of my heart problems. Having had a pacemaker for the last 13 years has meant that I have had to regularly see cardiologists. As a parent, I have been to several doctors visits over the last seven years which generally are no big deal. With all of these vists, they become second nature and are not really ever that big of a deal. That all changed today.

Jacqueline had to go see a cardiologist today. This was a follow-up visit to her fainting spell last month. Today, the doctor was looking at a most precious little girl who I happen to think hung the moon. You see, when the heart patient's off-spring faints, its cause for action. They are trying to make sure that she didn't inherit the electrical issue that has plagued dear old dad all these years. Today, I had no control over what was going on, it was something I feel responsible for since it is my genetics and I watched my daughter actually tremble in fear. Not a great combination. My insides were in absolute knots even though I knew every step the doctor was going to take because they have been taken on me throughout the years.

When the doctors were trying to determine what exactly was wrong with me many years ago, I was oblivious as to just how serious the issues were and my parents never let me see what was going inside. I had to assume that same role today. I had to be the one that she looked at and not tell that I was nervous wreck. I had to reassure her that things were going to be fine. She knows that Daddy has a pacemaker, but really doesn't grasp all that that entails. She was afraid that she was going to go home with one. That broke my heart.

Fortunately, the doctors did not find anything immediately obviously wrong. The bad news is that this is the same path that was travelled by myself so many years ago. It took the doctors 12 years before they were able to diagnose the problem. Fortunately, this time around, the doctors have some ideas of potential problems because of my history. Hopefully that helps. I just know that I want her to live the healthly life she desrves. God help me face this as well as my parents did twenty some odd years ago.