Its not mine anymore

Well, I concede. I can no longer handle it. I realized tonight, while struggling with life, that I can not do it alone. I was afraid of riding tonight with the way my heart was feeling, so I went to the Boys Ranch here in Bedford.

I have not been able to function very well the last couple of weeks. I have been logging lots of hours for work since Labor Day. I have not been able to sleep well. I have not slept soundly though an entire night in approximately a month. It has seemed like no matter what the matter was, in the last two weeks, it has all gone wrong. I have fought the matter in my head to no avail. I have wondered what God was trying to say to me. I think that some of it hit me tonight.

I have been maintaining control. I have been so thankful for what I have. But I have been the one in control. That's not the plan. I don't have the answers. While skirting the duck pond enjoying the beautiful night, I said those fateful words. "I need help. Please take control because I can't do this."